- Why Being The Dictator Of A Third-World Country Is The Best Job
- When A Corporation Worth A Quintillion Dollars Got Tax Breaks To Make A Kajillion Dollars. Crushes It.
- He Was Told By Doctors That He Would Never Poop Again. Watch Him Prove Everyone Wrong.
- These Twins Are Giving Away Their Virginity For Free. No Big Whoop.
- See A Frat Brother’s Perfect Response To Allegations of Being A Douchebag.
- George Clooney Delightfully Makes Sense of the Higgs-Boson God Particle.
- She Wanted To Have A Child. Here’s How She Evaded The Cops To Make Her Dream A Reality.
- Many Consider Rob Ford To Be The Worst Mayor. Here Are 46 Reasons Why He’s Inspiring.
- Watch 2 Crackheads Bring Themselves To Climax To A Standing Ovation.
- Here’s Something To Make You Bawl Your Fucking Eyes Out.
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- Future Upworthy Headlines November 23, 2013Why Being The Dictator Of A Third-World Country Is The Best Job When A Corporation Worth A Quintillion Dollars Got Tax Breaks To Make A Kajillion Dollars. Crushes It. He Was Told By Doctors That He Would Never Poop Again. Watch Him Prove Everyone Wrong. These Twins Are Giving Away Their Virginity For Free. No […]
- Kmart Teaching Kids Nazi Salute, Basically November 17, 2013John Cena and Kmart are workin’ kids like the tobacco industry; hook ‘em while they’re young!
- Snuggies Have Hit a New Low November 10, 2013Pretend to be a fictional wizard while marinating in filth and loneliness!
- Goodnight Halloween November 1, 2013In the great digital rough, There is the internet And a collective tough, And a picture of… A brown-painted Julianne Hough And there were morons dressed as George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin And little kids sold costumes too revealing for a youngin’ And Chris Brown getting arrested near Georgetown And a title causing obscene for […]
- The Gift Pack of Douchebags October 28, 2013Like the cool breezes blanketing the country, autumn has set on the Ed Hardy trend. And much like the zombie craze that’s slowly rotting away like a maggot-infested brain, Ed Hardy merchandise is staggering through the capitalistic ecosystem, from high-end retailers to discount stores to their eventual resting place in third-world countries and landfills. Bu […]
- Dating Myself October 22, 2013When I went to visit friends in San Francisco in May, I was in desperate need for positive social interaction. The year up until then had been a collection of bizarre parts that somehow kept me running like a junkyard car: I was a social media intern for a local company, and I was not […]
- How is Olive Garden Celebrating Columbus Day? October 14, 2013
- “I’m 124 Bills Away From Republicans’ Begrudging Respect” September 26, 2013My politically ideological opposites, the Republican Party, is the dominant force in the Legislative branch of the American government, but they always want me to sign bills into law that are in their favor. Each day, they ask, “President Obama, how long have you been taking our shit today?” “Too damn long,” I’d reply. “You’ve […]
- Blacks Re-Appropriating White Culture September 5, 2013Miley Cyrus’s controversial performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last week launched thousands of think pieces on the former Hannah Montana star’s co-opting of “black culture”–from wanting music that “feels black” to the overused, misunderstood interpretation of twerking–and general grossness. (“Black culture” is in quotes because the contributions of Af […]
- The Most Depressing Captcha September 2, 2013Any captcha that makes you question your life choices and make you weep openly into your keyboard is amazing. And in a close second: “Is Robin Thicke a pervy asshole?”
- Future Upworthy Headlines November 23, 2013
Hooray for me!
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