This is Justin Bieber’s Audi R8. Courtesy of Uproxx.com
There’s no such thing as bad publicity, as the P.T. Barnum saying has been paraphrased and bastardized by yours truly. But what if everything you do lately seems to suggest that you’re the worst?
Yes, that picture is of a leopard-printed skin for an Audi R8 sportscar, driven by one Justin Bieber. Simple dickbaggery, right? Bieber is notorious for his idiotic cries for attention, including his fair-weather Miami Heat fan ensemble of air-balloon hat, leather smock and Mr. T-sourced gold chains. But the thing that bugged me was his attempt to shield his appearance from paparazzo with his hand. WHILE DRIVING A LEOPARD PRINT AUDI.
Look, I get that famous people want privacy. Having to endure the barrage of cameras, microphones and hounding sleazebags is a 24/7 nightmare that I don’t envy. But when you essentially shout “LOOK AT ME!” and then cry “STOP STARING AT ME!!!” in the same gesture, it’s hard to root for you, Biebs. Seriously. And this is well after his illegal chrome Fisker Karma electric car was cited for general tackiness. I know you can do what you want with your property (within legal boundaries), but you need a “no” man or woman to run shit by.
Justin (may I call you Justin?), calm down. You’re setting teen celebrities back 20 years with your immaturity. And ruining great cars is not the way to put you in the public’s good graces. But the worst is that you are sending conflicting messages about seeking fame. We’re already inundated by dumb TV shows (Extra, TMZ), websites (TMZ), and people (Wendy Williams, everyone at TMZ) that shove celebrity culture in our faces every damn day. Why contribute to that? And why be a cliche of the worst of pop star narcissism to boot?
If you don’t want to be recognized, knock the shit off. Then you won’t have to half-heartedly put your hand in front of your face when tooling around (literally). No one would recognize you in a Toyota Camry hybrid unless you want them to.
Just tone it down. And leave the ruined cars out of it.
Less than 24 hours ago, I wandered into the sea of music, hoping to part the waters with the plucky twangs, beats and “HEY!” shouts that the kids seem to like nowadays. Though we had one interested person, it looks like there is another kindred spirit that may be willing to strap on the banjo and neckbeard:
With the explosion of folk rock in the past few years with bands like the Lumineers, fun. and Mumford & Sons, America is enamored with the old-timey look and sound of white people that haven’t acknowledged desegregation. And in the spirit of making money, I thought to myself, “I can do that!” And MAYBE I WILL.
my name is (*name removed*) & I am a professional percussionist specializing in exotic world percussion instruments & electronics, & in all genres of music.
The links below show me playing a few instruments & includes a short spoken bio so you can learn about me.
(*link removed*)
These are video’s of me and the band (*name removed*):
(*links removed*)
Also, here are Videos of me playing the (*instruments removed*)!
(*links removed*)
Also, certainly feel free to friend me on Facebook.
If you’re looking for something aside from what I’ve mentioned here & within the videos, in 15 years of studying & performing, I’ve never encountered an opportunity or music I wasn’t able to handle or willing & eager to learn, so definitely get back to me & let’s talk further!
Like millions of basketball fans, I watched ABC’s coverage of game 4 of the Golden State Warriors/San Antonio Spurs NBA semifinals Sunday, enjoying the athletic prowess of these hardwood warriors. Being Mother’s Day, my mind had fresh memories of spending time with my own mom (and brother), who had just left for their flight back to Chicago. It was good times, as I love my mom and haven’t had the chance to spend Mother’s Day with her in several years.
So it was a pro-positive female role model day across America. And then this commercial aired:
Seems like a fun commercial for Beats Pill, yeah? Cool tune, impressive photography, models and singer that are easy on the eyes–all necessary for promoting your latest product. But what were they selling? The Beats Pill, the latest music-listening device in Beats Electronics LLC’s empire of high-cost, bass heavy products? Sure. But judging by how they reduced the models to literal props, they’re also trafficking in good ol’ misogyny.
I mean LOOK at one of the last images of the commercial. LOOK!
She is a literal object for the product, the human sushi platter of this skeevy party of a commercial. (I’m not surprised that Dr. Dre, Beats Electronics co-founder, would be associated with this mess considering his history.)
If it’s not obvious, I’m offended by the commercial and the creative folks involved. And it’ll be just as obvious to know that there will be defenders of the ad spot as well as the messaging. These white knights of anti-feminism will probably lay waste to detractors with some variation of the party line “You’re looking to be offended.”
Well, here’s a message for those disbelievers: FUCK ALL OF Y’ALL.
If you think people can pick and choose their emotions, that is nonsense. Can you control when something makes you mad? Are you able to dictate when you feel happy? If so, your AI programming is pretty good. But people aren’t robots, nor are they sociopaths. People being offended is a little something called EMPATHY–something that good-hearted people have.
Here’s another thing: why do you care if someone is offended by something not concerning you? What makes it your business that an autonomous human being feels and expresses emotions that differ from yours. And if these thoughts and words do not conflict with how you live your daily life, your high horse is taking up space by butting it into places where it doesn’t need to be. (Give it a chance to relax and feed it some carrots.)
And finally, why SHOULDN’T someone be offended if people are not treated as something other than an equal? I know this flies in the face of my previous point, but we’re all citizens of this society, and I am comforted by the fact that people fought for my civil rights. I try to return the favor by not being a dick to others, and this includes not being a racist, sexist or ageist dickbag. When I do speak out against a collective group, rest assured it’s because they’re trying to hold back the rights of others.
I looked at Beats by Dre’s Twitter account (@beatsbydre) right after the commercial aired, and this was among their tweets in honor of Mother’s Day:
Washington Wizards center Jason Collins was the first active athlete in the major sports leagues to come out as gay Monday, spawning a (mostly) positive groundswell of support and crashing Sports Illustrated’s online server. Of course, no announcement of this type is complete without detractors, and ESPN magazine senior writer Chris Broussard was one of the self-anointed critics, using the Outside the Lines news program as a soapbox for his religious beliefs.
Religion is a touchy subject, as you can attest to at every awkward Thanksgiving meal with that one relative. (YOU know which one.) So how can ESPN one-up their need for attention through controversy? I have a few predictions:
Guest analyst Glenn Beck, in a discussion of record NFL Draft ratings, expounds on why television is dying
The one-year anniversary coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing somehow links the suspects to the 1980 Soviet Union Olympic hockey team
LeBron James and ESPN team up for a Kickstarter to fund James’ eighth mansion
A SportsCenter retrospective on Latrell Sprewell includes commentary of the NBA player “going Django Unchained” in choking coach PJ Carlesimo
Columnist Rick Reilly’s article on positive female role models in sports somehow makes people dislike Reilly even more
The December 7th episode of First Take is devoted to the merits of Japanese interment camps
The month-long lead-up to Michael Jordan’s 60th birthday includes a special report on the greatness of his Hitler mustache
SportsCenter anchor Stuart Scott calls Tim Tebow an “untalented gaytard”
If I’ve learned one thing from the critically-acclaimed TV show Mad Men, it’s that white folks be trippin’. If I’ve learned another thing from the show, it’s that advertising is about evoking emotion.
In the past few years, Kraft Foods Group seems to be concerned with keeping their salad dressing/mayonnaise-fearing product Miracle Whip on the collective forefront of America’s youth. The zenith of this entertaining attempt by Kraft’s marketing to be hip was the “Don’t Be So Mayo” campaign, and I thank the comedic geniuses of their marketing agency for the blurst (definition: a person, place or thing defined for the absurd nature of its positive and negative qualities) commercial of this young century.
Subsequent marketing efforts for trying to talk to the kids about the tangy zip of the Whip were similarly fucked up, like this ad campaign from last year that carried political undertones:
You’d think that the mockery of theseendeavors would be enough to make Kraft do an about-face and stick to their demographic: old people that want to cut the fat and calories that mayo contains while cramming their sandwiches with white goop. But that’s what makes Kraft and Miracle Whip so EDGY, MAN! And I love them because they keep trying, like this new ad,
Stuff like the following ad give me strength when I’m at my lowest, for I have to live another day to mock the ever-loving hell out of dumb corporations. Why? Oh, I can give you a few reasons–FOR FREE:
The first sentence alone would be enough to dehydrate my tear ducts forever due to laughter.
“HEY, MAN,” some imaginary, sneering 18-35 year old that Kraft hopes will defend Miracle Whip, “Why are you ragging on Miracle Whip? Have you TRIED Miracle Whip? It’s, like, TOTES good, bro. You’re like, a hater.”
The second and third sentences would make my tear ducts spasm.
The accusatory tone in that ad copy suggests some hurt feelings on behalf of Kraft, that they’re still smarting from the online ass-kicking they got from their last few efforts to attract hipsters to their product. And biting back at the same audience savvy enough to ridicule the ridiculous pandering won’t get them on your side. But the holier-than-thou attitude in defense of FUCKING SANDWICH SPREAD is INSANE. And it is hilarious.
A corporation invoking the underdog plea is GOOFY AS FUCK.
Kraft Foods earned more than $18 billion in revenue in 2011. BILLION with a “B.” They’re not underdogs of anything. And yet they are positioning Miracle Whip as a scrappy fighter on its last legs by saying that they’re “fighting back.” From WHAT? Their CEO not getting a wing built on his gold house? Fuck them.
Kraft Foods CEO W. Anthony Vernon and his gold house
The innuendo in this ad brings out the inner 12-year-old in everyone.
Asking people to “open their minds” and “Keep an Open Mouth to our unique flavor”? ”Insert ourselves into the mouths of a million people”? Sounds like the beginning to a million nights of clumsy adult situations. And why is that video camera on, Kraft?
And “unique flavor”? Even YOU don’t know what Miracle Whip is supposed to taste like.
Who in the hell is going to endorse Miracle Whip?
These so-called “famous mouths,” “some which may have faced some prejudgment themselves,” will be as talented and pervasive as Rob Kardashian. This “epic music video” will be the blurst thing since CNN’s coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing and manhunt.
Their attempt to be funny is reason for throwing Redwood-like shade
The last sentence (“Together, we can end the unfair judgment of Miracle Whip once and for all”) should cause concern for optical surgeons dealing with emergency surgeries due to eye-rolls. I get it; they’re trying to be cute in standing up to the snickering and mockery from the past few years. But like that friend that doesn’t understand why every person they date is an asshole, Kraft and Miracle Whip brought it upon themselves with their bat-shit ads.
If Kraft is trying to cultivate the razzing they’re received with their stupid Miracle Whip ads, they’ve picked up what Don Draper’s been putting down. But if their tone-deaf plea for redemption with “The Year of a Million Mouths” is any indication, they’re in for a few more years of being taunted like the “It Gets Better” campaign never existed. And THAT’S not so mayo.
It’s a sad state of affairs that it is no surprise when the news flashes with violent images and death on a daily basis, that acts of terrorism and mass death occur every few months, that phrases like “the new normal” are tritely used to describe life in this hyper-sensitive time of televised brutality, hate-mongering and fear. Monday’s bombing at the Boston Marathon was another reminder of the finite nature of human life, the unexplained way that occurrences happen, and that acts of violence can happen close to home.
It’s also no surprise, unfortunately, when reactions to said violent images, terrorism and death are broadcast on social media in ways that are predictable, crass and trite. This is not to discount what has happened; the loss of life is tragic and unjust. But it’s sad when a religious group of people has to fear the response every time a destructive act of rage is broadcast; when many pleaded that said religious people should not be grouped together with a minute minority that brought harm to several American; when blowhard, attention-seeking wastes of human life stir up prejudices for a few more minutes of press. The cycle starts anew when a disturbing, grisly news story hits the media, and it’s a matter of time before the racists name the usual suspects. As comedian Chris Rock once said, “that train’s never late!”
It’s natural for people to grieve when presented with horrific events that call their own mortality into question. The loss of life due to unexpected tragedy is sad, and we all have our ways of coping with that loss. But I wonder if the nature of social media, to connect with others, feeds off of that need for validation through socially acceptable ways to express that feeling of loss. Mere minutes after news broke of the bombing, my Facebook News Feed slowly populated with thoughts and hashtags praying for those harmed in the blast. JPEGs (varying in quality) honoring the fallen victims spread like a virus. A few hours later, an eloquent Facebook post by comedian Patton Oswalt was circulated en masse in link and (poorly made) JPEG form. A smattering of user avatars took on Boston themes.
Like the Aurora, Colorado and Newtown, Connecticut shootings or the death of Roger Ebert, the ways we communicate our sense of loss have happened before, and the next tragedy will ensure that these patterns of behavior will happen again. And despite the varied shades of intelligence, education, culture, race, religion, and upbringing, human nature and American society’s connection to digital media means that we will feel the wild-swinging emotions that come with death, filtered through a social prism of self-expression that begs for acceptance and affirmation from peers–online and offline.
I realize in typing this that I might come across as an unfeeling or cynical robot, an automaton that looks down on those mystifying “emotions” that “humans” emote with their fleshy arms, limbs and brain holders. This is partly true; I’m just a love machine with human skin, and I don’t work for nobody but the collective “you.” Like everyone else (aside from unfeeling sociopaths), I’m trying to make sense of mortality, especially when these adverse things happen far away but are brought to the collective forefront by technology and empathy. There is a need to communicate those feelings of loss, but I hate thinking that there are opportunists that use such moments of emotional frailty to get a few website hits or a Liked Facebook picture. As social media is the prime way for people to reach out to each other nowadays, our Facebook and Twitter accounts are our microphones to the rest of the world.
So are we communicating what we really feel, are we expressing a culturally sanctioned version of that grief, or a strange hybrid of the chaos that comes from being knocked off-balance by the fleeting nature that is life through pics and platitudes? God, who knows. But I do know that continually burying the innocent is as banal as the racists that see a virtual soapbox in breaking news, or those that flash a bitmap for acceptance with no real emotional connection.
I hope that these grim reminders of the primal aspects of mankind become less frequent. I also hope that we let our real feelings dictate how we act on social media, but like the wish for world peace, this may be a pipe dream. But maybe I should be quiet and not care about what people do. I hope that I don’t have to ponder this often.
While blogging is all well and good, I like to branch out and spew crap on other social media sites. And if you like looking at spewed crap, I have some links for you!
Rapper Rick Ross recently “apologized” for a lyric in the song “U.O.E.N.O.” by MC Rocko that promoted date rape. As pressure mounted from music fans and sensible people to take back his part and boycott Ross’s corporate sponsor Reebok, Ross did what most assholes do when they are forced to atone: he put the blame on the people that made a big deal out of it.
I dont condone rape.Apologies for the #lyric interpreted as rape. #BOSS
In case you’re not up on the rap game (and don’t worry, I’m not, either), here are the lyrics:
“Put molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.”
A few things here:
Ross says he does not “condone rape.”
Does that mean that the characters in his songs/guest verses do? Is it the fantasy of his that he can channel through a fictitious person that slips a molly (a date rape drug). If so, he needs some healthy hobbies.
That hashtag #BOSS
Dude, trying to make yourself look good after you did some asinine shit like promote raping someone against their will is terrible. Of course, many bosses in America are greedy sociopaths that have no qualms about hurting people for their own pleasure and gain, so maybe Ross is just emulating what he knows. If so, he needs some healthy role models.
“Apologies for the #lyric interpreted as rape.”
This is the meat of the argument, and it’s as stringy as Taco Bell’s steak. There’s no apology in there whatsoever. There is no expression of regret or sorrow, no excuse for the words, no remorse for the people that were hurt. He has not appeared to have returned the money he got from the guest verse, there has been no mention of donating to rape- or violence-based charities, and he hasn’t cut off his creepy beard. I guess this is in line with his album title “God Forgives, I Don’t.”
In fact, he transferred the blame to the offended parties by saying “interpreted,” as if people jumped to the conclusion that there was discussion of rape. It is hard to see or hear ”Put molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it” without thinking he was talking about, oh, I don’t know, DRUGGING AND RAPING her.
But hey, maybe it IS the fault of the listener. Maybe he was using slang that really meant that he put Spanish Fly in her drink, brought the young lady home, had consensual sex and didn’t let her know that she was given a poisonous aphrodisiac. Oh Rick Ross, you romantic!
***
Wanna know why there is such a term as “rape culture”? Because people like Rick Ross think they can toss off so-called innocuous comments that condone raping a woman, and he’ll have fans support him through they myopic view of women and society. They’ll be reported on by a media system that is owned by conglomerates concerned with kowtowing to customers (assholes). They’ll have to deal with a political system made up of out-of-touch men and women that do not see issues like rape as important as their own self interests. And they’ll be filtered through a justice system that is just as antiquated in their thoughts about women.
But who cares, right? It’s just another rapper doing or saying something stupid, right? Just treating women like second-class citizens like their lyrics and videos suggest. If you support that, then you’re supporting rape–plain and simple.
Unless you live in a city or town that contains people of a similar ethnic background, you will encounter different cultures and races on a daily basis. Don’t fret! It’s 2013; you should be used to diversity. But that doesn’t mean that your brain does.
Despite minorities growing in number in the United States, people still do not know how to act around people of another race. Whether it is in the workplace or online, awkward and downright awful interactions occur because of ignorance and idiocy regarding understanding of cultures different than their own.
Thankfully, I am here to help. As one of those minorities, I am lending my unique set of diplomatic skills to aide people that let their mouths and fingers lead them into losing battles. These tips will be the difference between keeping your job/friends/teeth versus catching a beatdown.
If you encounter someone with hair different than yours and you feel the urge to touch it, don’t say anything.
If you have watched or listened to a stand-up act from a comedian of another race and you want to recite memorable quotes to a diverse audience, don’t say anything.
If you spot someone of a different racial background in your vicinity and you want to know if one of the few minorities you engage with is familiar with this other racial oddity, don’t say anything.
If the President of the United States does or says something you don’t agree with, and you feel that preceding your opinion with colorful commentary on his racial background will provide audiences with good insight on your views, take a breather and don’t say anything.
If you know of pornography more than people of different backgrounds and you wonder if someone’s race influences their penis size, don’t say anything and read some statistics.
If your viewpoint of a driver’s skills includes a discourse about their ethnicity, keep your eyes on the road and don’t say anything.
If you feel like going into detail about why you are not attracted to a certain race, don’t say anything and save it for your therapy session.
If you are playing an online game and someone insults your pride via comment or game activity, hit the power button and don’t say anything.
If you are anywhere near YouTube, leave immediately for fear of saying anything.
You may have noticed a trend in my advice. First of all, your observational skills will serve you well in the professional world. Secondly, it’s not an indictment of free speech. I’m helping to prevented unwanted ass-beatings. But you will only learn through practice. So go forth, be a cultural citizen of our diverse society, and remember that if you have to think before you speak or type, don’t say… well, you know.
THE INTERNET — Racists have used the internet en masse over the past few weeks to advance their agenda of cultural superiority through terrorizing minority children. The subjects of their intolerant ire have been in the cultural spotlight, including 10-year-old Mariachi singer Sebastian de la Cruz, a Mexican-American and the interracial child of a black […] […]
There’s no such thing as bad publicity, as the P.T. Barnum saying has been paraphrased and bastardized by yours truly. But what if everything you do lately seems to suggest that you’re the worst? Yes, that picture is of a leopard-printed skin for an Audi R8 sportscar, driven by one Justin Bieber. Simple dickbaggery, right? […]
Hey there, hep cats. Saddle up to the small tables near the stage with your coffee drinks: it’s time for the inaugural Genial Black Man’s Angsty Poetry Corner. Groove on this installment, daddios: a poem about people being bad, man, bullying people and being all square. It was a relic from high school, man, so […]
Science fiction contains tales involving parallel universes, where the story contains realms featuring altered versions of the same characters, places and things that populate the main world. While many dismiss such notions as that of fairy tales and gross geekery, I am here to tell you that THEY ARE REAL. Don’t believe me? Well prepare […]
I wrote a blog post last year about the perils of shopping in stores while being black, chronicling the feelings of being watched like a pending sniper victim while perusing retail shelves. And about a year later (a year and a day!), I found myself in such a position once more–with a different ending. I […]
Less than 24 hours ago, I wandered into the sea of music, hoping to part the waters with the plucky twangs, beats and “HEY!” shouts that the kids seem to like nowadays. Though we had one interested person, it looks like there is another kindred spirit that may be willing to strap on the banjo […]
With the explosion of folk rock in the past few years with bands like the Lumineers, fun. and Mumford & Sons, America is enamored with the old-timey look and sound of white people that haven’t acknowledged desegregation. And in the spirit of making money, I thought to myself, “I can do that!” And MAYBE I […]
Seems like a fun commercial for Beats Pill, yeah? Cool tune, impressive photography, models and singer that are easy on the eyes--all necessary for promoting your latest product. But what were they selling? The Beats Pill, the latest music-listening device in Beats Electronics LLC's empire of high-cost, bass heavy products? Sure. But judging by how they […]
