• Listening to players and coaches try to explain their pre-game activities and game strategies

• Watching  the New York Stock Exchange for buffalo wings futures

• Compare the protests of millions that complain on social media about the stupidity of the Super Bowl

• Making fun of the one player that parties too hard

• Rolling my eyes at the pre-game commercials that were too thrifty to pay up for main game ad time

• Watching the Super Bowl red carpet coverage on E!

• Seeing bored romantic partners ponder how they’re going to make it through the whole damn game

• Taking bets on how GoDaddy.com will top themselves with their non-risque “risque” ad

• Monitoring ESPN’s Chris Berman’s emotional states bouncing between blustery and blusterful

• Make fun of football fans arguing the pros and cons of home-field advantage

• Check out GoDaddy.com forums for viewers of the “risque” online ad

• Making a Venn diagram of GoDaddy online ad viewers and Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue buyers

• Wondering what the hell THIS is:

I hope he doesn't die from the stupid paint suffocating his skin.

• Wondering how uncomfortable ultra-macho football fans will react to Madonna’s halftime show

• Pondering why Madonna is performing the halftime show

• Making a spinach dip bread bowl for my imaginary feline friends

• Stalking the local mall, pretending I’m the only survivor of the End of Days

• Hanging out with intellectuals and hipsters at a coffee shop, listening to them protest the cheesiness and herd-like mentality of the Super Bowl

• Listening to the sheer amount of detail the same intellectuals and hipsters know about this year’s game

• Giggling at the loudest football commentator’s sport jacket

• Checking out Facebook to see the friends that are watching the Puppy Bowl, another media-created event, in protest of the game

• Counting the amount of middle-aged men wearing tattered football jerseys from 1992

• Preparing my shopping list for day-after Super Bowl bargains

• Wondering again why Madonna is performing in the halftime show

Here’s some crazy crap:

A lot of bad decisions went into the making and marketing of this game:

• Who still cares about Heathcliff?
• Who thought a take-off of Fast and the Furious starring Heathcliff and his gang would be a good idea?
• Just a guess, but I bet it’s not a “great” game
• $19.99 IS NOT a “great” price for that game
• Who still cares about Heathcliff?

$12.99 doesn’t go far enough to replicate the feeling of cheesy music, sad sexual degradation and clogged arteries.

Seems like overly complicated ways to cram your craw with M&Ms.

Be the “king of beers” as you coat your barbecue in the bland sauce of bland beers.

I doubt stylists on the set of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn used this “limited edition” hair straightener on set–at least before the 6 millionth one was hot off the assembly line.

Also, LOLZ

No, give ME glitter! GIVE ME GLITTER!!!!!!

AAAAAGH! GLITTER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think they spelled Jay-Z wrong. Also, I didn’t know that Jay-Z was into decor and alterations.

Yes, yes, Chinese food IS funny.

Anyway, if you like rock music–including sub-genres like rockabilly, punk, blues, garage or any mixture of these–you will like Reigning Sound. Who are they? Just a bunch of great musicians that influenced the Memphis garage rock explosion of the ’90s and early ’00s, thanks to involvement in bands like The Oblivians and Compulsive Gamblers. Their songs are rooted in love, heartbreak, loss and all those silly feelings things. If you’ve felt it in a relationship, they’ve probably recorded a song about it.

To get to my main point, Reigning Sound put out a fantastic EP, Abdication… For Your Love, last year–one of my favorite albums of 2011. Like the rest of their albums, you probably have not heard it. But here’s the kicker: you can, and you can do so for free. WHA? Are you advocating digital piracy, Genial Black Man? you are probably asking the computer. NO I AM NOT.

In fact, you can download it legitimately and for FREE. The band partnered with automaker Scion (owned by car giant/evil overlord Toyota) as part of their “Audio Visual” music marketing push, and you can get it here: http://www.scionav.com/collection/852/Scion-A/V-Presents:-Reigning-Sound—Abdication…For-Your-Love. Hell, you can even listen to it before downloading it. But as someone that is listening to it right now, I wholeheartedly recommend nabbing the damn thing ASAP. In fact, I’ll think less of you if you don’t.

So that’s my soapbox moment for the day: download that Reigning Sound album. Do it for me, a random stranger that is trying to do some good in this world by guilting readers to carry out his wishes for some reason. You’re welcome.

Here are some recent finds:

I wonder if his marriage to himself was worth the collector status.

Coach Coz might need some coaching on how to get out of creepy-based lawsuits.

• Chapter 1: get a lot of money
• Chapter 2: stop paying taxes
• Chapter 3: get caught by IRS
• Chapter 4: question knowing everything

The overly-publicized OJ Simpson trial is back, in pog form!

It’s not whether you win or lose, but whether you lose–at being a GIGANTIC DICKBAG.

Hey hey hey, where did my melanin go?

I feel kinda bad that this ended up here. No kidding around.

OKAY: It was an evening I shared with a used bookstore…

Sage advice, Lois.

Hey kids, see how men put women in their place back in the good ol’ days–in WACKY cartoon form!

And now… READ!

Look for my debut mixtape, Farts and Tarts, on the interwebs in March!

(Courtesy of BBC.co.uk)

http://www.engadget.com/2012/01/12/iphone-4s-launch-brings-chaos-in-china/

They’re just like us!

The Klu Klux Klan just isn’t trying anymore.

Any-whodini, the times, they are a-changin’. But what hasn’t changed is MSN’s penchant for writing asinine headlines. And my recent re-exposure to their stupidity (thanks to Microsoft’s latest version of MSN Messenger or whatever they’re calling it) has created a new wrinkle in my forehead. I took that as a sign to document my irrational hate in blog form. Lucky you!

• Let’s be honest: the dog is a better actor. It EMOTES.

• Coke will not rest until we are rid of that OJ problem. Good thing the Juice is no longer loose.

• Now who in their right mind would need anti-bullet underwear? Who’s aiming for their junk?

• NEVERMIND.

• This is a thing? Do they put the plaque on their town sign?

• I hope this goes better than the time Ellen interviewed the whale blowhole.

• You THINK?

• (See above snark)

• Geez, ’80s Madonna/2011 Lady Gaga wouldn’t whine this way.

• The jobs won’t come from the asphalt underneath that overpass, possibly suicidal idiots.

• I guess things really haven’t changed, MSN News. Never change.

I’m sure that 2GB micro SD cards were worth $316–back in 2000.

I know Banana Republic can be pricey, but DAMN!

I doubt ANYONE bought this album. I just love the image.