Tag Archives: lifestyle

The Luggage of Douchebags

Do you wish that your life was a reality show? Does watching UFC fights with friends sound like an awesome and sexually confusing  Saturday night? Wish to travel the world like celebrities Jon Gosselin and Rob Kardashian? Well you can do both!

It’s not enough to merely fake the ballin’ lifestyle by drinking the water or wine of gods. It is not even enough to transport you and yours in luxurious car seat covers or house your computer in delicate laptop cases. No, your bitchin’ derriere has the need to go international or even national, and damn it, you want to show off. And what better way to alert foreign natives of your cosmopolitan tastes with luggage that sums up your essence? Time to show that shit off, playboy!

Ed Hardy luggage is perfect for the traveler that likes to notify TSA to bring out the drug-sniffing dogs. It includes enough space to hold all of your Ed Hardy shirts, pre-club shirts, bronzer, coke mirrors and Valtrex for partyin’ and smooshin’! The durable cloth exterior makes cleaning off alcohol- and bodily fluid-drenched vomit with ease! And if you want to bring back souvenirs from your probation-violating misadventures, the bag expands to stuff enough Mexican steroids to sterilize a rhino.

Ed Hardy luggage: for the greasy,  winning dickbag that wants to see the world in all its swarthiness!

The Laptop Bag of Douchebags

Do you fancy Jersey Shore as a lifestyle to aspire to? Need to show off your douchebaggery that accessorizes with your shirt, water, car seat or wine?  Are you an ass-tastic dickface with a computer that fears being called a nerd or intelligent? Well, Christian Audigier’s Ed Hardy line of lifestyle products has the product for YOU!

Presenting:

When people see you with your Ed Hardy laptop bag, they know you mean business. The gaudy tiger on the front praying for sweet death shows that you are more likely using your computer for surfing porn and AdultFriendFinder.com than something geeky like negotiating international business deals or homework. Your coked-up, sociopathic friends won’t tease you about being a brain or call you a fag if your laptop is enclosed in the tasteless glitz of the Ed Hardy laptop bag. The only way your laptop would be more stylin’ would be if it had spiked hair, washboard abs and numerous viruses.

The Ed Hardy laptop bag: for the closeted, worthless asshole with work to do!

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