Meet the Spartans? MEET THE SPARTANS?!?

Know why people think the quality of movies is dropping? Because of piddle like this:

Movies like Date Movie and Epic Movie have made money preying on the stupidity of the teenagers and quality-inept moviegoers that lumber into the cinema multiplexes like zombies. But The Comebacks showed that not all formulas are foolproof–scoring $13 million. And now we’ve come to the ninth circle of hell, Meet the Spartans.

Not only does this look like the worst idea since giving Britney Spears the ability to have children, but the movies spoofed have no remote significance to each other (Hey, just like Date Movie and Epic Movie!). Here is a samples of the movies being spoofed:



Spider-Man 3

Meet the Parents (natch)

Pirates of the Caribbean


The Sixth Sense

Superman Returns


Ghost Rider

Stomp the Yard

On top of that, the flick parodies Britney Spears, Kevin Federline, American Idol’s Sanjaya and Ryan Seacrest.

There are several things wrong with this whole shitstorm looming on the fucktard horizon: One, most of these movies have already been parodied in Date Movie and Epic Movie; Two, some of these movies are already so bad that they are parodies in their own right; Three, WHY IS CARMEN ELECTRA ALWAYS IN THESE DAMN THINGS?!?

The biggest problem with this cinematic debacle in the making is that this “movie” (to put the term loosely) is written by the two FUCKING writers of Date Movie and Epic Movie, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer–who I’ll henceforth refer to as Horseman One and Two of the Apocalypse. WHY do these guys continue to get jobs? WHY can’t they see the craptastic evil they’ve unleashed on the world?! WHY can’t they choke on their hack sandwiches?!?

If this seems like a rant, that’s because it is. As a writer, I take pride in my work and work my damndest to put out a good product that I can do. While these asshats sleep on piles of money (okay, maybe piles of single dollar bills), millions of quality writers toil on quality movies that will never see the light of day; meanwhile, Scary Movie 5 will be in theaters as soon as some greedy studio exec can push the button.

That pisses me off nearly as much as this movie, Meet the Spartans. And frankly, I hope no one sees it. I hope it makes no money, and perhaps this shit will end. And only then will justice be served–and it won’t be be co-written by two of the six writers of Scary Movie.


4 thoughts on “Meet the Spartans? MEET THE SPARTANS?!?

  1. You have got to be freaking kidding me!! It’s entertainment!!! Tell me that when you saw Brittney get booted into the Pit…you didn’t laugh!!

    This may parody movies…but it doesn’t make fun of the movies!! It makes fun of parts of the movies…

    Oh…and the reason that Carmen is in the movies…she has a contract!! And, she likes making fun of other movies just like everyone else does!

    People all over the world love watching spoofs! They are usually better than the movies they make fun of!

    By the way: if you don’t like the movie…don’t watch it…plain and simple!!!
    If you don’t like the jokes…don’t listen…

    That’s all I got

    Thanks for your time…


  2. Craptastic evil? What evil have they unleashed?

    Making fun of a movie…is not evil!! What is your definition of evil?

    Warped…I would say…


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