License to Live

I like to believe that I’m an optimist, having faith in the best of people and situations that occur in life. That said, I’m knowing enough to realize that people in general are stupid.

(To clarify, a single person is harmless, but gather more than one person in a social setting transforms them into an idiotic, annoying and potentially destructive creature — hence, the need for laws and rules to govern people.)

Within these regulations are various licenses that serve as permission to engage in certain behaviors — getting married, operating motor vehicle and practicing law, for example. And even then, there is no guarantee that the person is competent to carry out the task asked of them. (See the horrendous divorce rate or Britney Spears’ driving record.)

However, there are dozens of other common practices that are not regulated, and the lack of structure is tearing this world and our social fabric apart; the fact that girls are being named Destiny and Rumor is proof enough.

Here are a few that are desperately needed:

A license to breed: While we enforce that people register to marry or carry a gun, we don’t regulate who is ultimately born into this world. And with the amount of kids born to loveless, unfit and unjust parents, it is only fair that the person or persons that will care for the child are up to the task. The fucktards that are irresponsible towards their families and/or popping kids out like Pez dispensers are the ones letting equally terrible children terrorize the world, act as nuisances to the people around them and drain the resources of their communities.

Available at Wal-Mart

I propose that people should be subjected to earn a license to breed. Follow me on this: starting at the age of seven, everyone is tested yearly for intelligence, home environment, common sense, biological symptoms and social skills. When they reach physical maturity, everyone will be temporarily sterilized until the age of 29. They will continue to be tested yearly until 25, at which time, those tested factors will help determine whether they should be able to breed. By then, a person will be better settled into the person they will be for the rest of their lives. If there are any strikes against the person that would make them an unfit parent, automatic permanent sterilization; everyone else, license to breed!

Believe me, this will be a blessing for everyone. Spend 10 minutes at Wal-Mart (or your local grocery/retail store), and you’ll wish that the mother letting six bratty kids wreck the aisles was sterilized at birth.

License for Political Work: Similar to the License to Breed, this will determine whether the person who will one day run for a political office will be fit to serve out their duties. Intelligence, civility, common sense and humility will be among the traits tested. Because heaven knows we don’t need a sociopathic screwup with their finger on the button… oh, right…

This will weed out the people most prone to ruin their cities, states or countries with ineptness. However, there will be some prone to buckle at the offers — monetary, political or sexual — from corporate lobbyists to sway their allegiances, in which said lobbyists and their rich backers will be driven out to a cornfield in Nebraska, tarred and feathered, and left to die.

Tom Delay

License to be part of the media: The level of irresponsibility on the so-called news networks is becoming more and more appaling on a daily basis. FOX News, despite claims of being fair and balanced, is as balanced as a teeter-totter after Fat Albert jumps on it; CNN, MSNBC and every other news broadcast have their own agendas as well.

Combined with an inability to fact check, substituting opinions for facts and letting psychopaths occupy airtime, and you have a ticking timebomb of hot air and heated situations to diffuse. (Look at the recent Democratic primary race and the racism and sexism given off by the political media alone.) The job of the media is to report the facts, not telling people what to think but what to think about. This is not the case when windbags pass off their beliefs as the truth.

You are in the No-Sense Zone…

Therefore, whoever is going to be part of the media has to be subjected to the same testing methods as those planning to run for politics from the age of 16. They have to do this yearly until the age of 18, when those who are capable are mandated to earn a Bachelor’s AND Master’s degree in journalism and communications — tested yearly to ensure they are on the right track. Upon graduation, they have to go into the field and work for news organizations in third-world countries until the age of 30. During this time, they determine what country they want to work in and study the political workings of the world. After that, they can be tested for a license to report on political affairs in their country of choice.

While these methods won’t weed out all of the problematic people in the world, these steps will make the world a somewhat more tolerable place to live. And for that, optimism won’t seem to be a silly idea to practice.

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