Attention Negligent Dog Owners

Hey there!

It’s been awhile since we last had a chance to chat. Unfortunately, my plea fell on deaf ears, as your dogs have roamed free like the canine version of The Road Warrior. It’s not fun being chased like a human Beggin’ Strip, and I’m sure that you’d feel the same if the shoe was on the other foot.

So I am here to provide a refresher. Maybe this time it will sink in.


Goes on:


Goes on:

I know that the average human attention span has decreased with the advent of television and the internet. After all, who can say no to The Bachelor and cute cat videos? I can. And there is a new-found need to let children and domesticated animals find themselves and be free spirits — you know, hippie crap. But there needs to be a responsibility to look out for the safety of others.

I honestly don’t know what it will take at this point for the message to get through. Does the NFL have to air a pro-leash commercial during the Super Bowl? Does cranky old man General Larry Platt have to perform “Leash on Your Dog”  on American Idol? Does Oprah have to have a very special episode on not being a dink?

"Leash on your dog, Leash on your dog/Don't be an asshole, Put a leash on your dog"

If it’s not becoming clear, let me put it in the words of How I Met Your Mother‘s Barney Stinson: “get your head out of your ass. Letting your dog run loose is asking for trouble. Sure, he or she may seem to be the sweetest thing ever, and yeah, they may tolerate you giving them kisses, but they are animals. Who knows when they will become frightened or agitated and attack someone? Hey, maybe that baby had it coming. (Perhaps the dog has built-in Precrime and a unique sense of justice.)

But when the time comes, will you shrug it off as the dog “being a dog?” Will you only then realize the consequences of letting your dog run wild? I can only hope that it doesn’t take a tragedy for you to realize the error of your ways — like hurricane Katrina or The Jay Leno Show.

So, to summarize:


Goes on:

Don’t make General Larry Pratt make another television appearance to shake his fist about this issue.


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