Glowing Crotches!

Browsing a recent copy of a magazine (some rag — Entertainment Weekly?), I happened upon the newest trend in pop culture:

No, it’s not vajazzling the art of sparkling up your junk — but the next worst thing: the implied vajazzle, or the glowing crotch.

I mean, we get it: the va-jay-jay is the entrance gate to Funtown. Still, why not leave some mystery? Let us explore the outer gate walls and take our time before venturing through the front door? Now, even singer/trend-hopper-too-late Christina Aguilera — or “Xtina,” if you watch E! television on a loop while cramming your kids’ gullets with KFC Famous Bowls — wants to lure you into her Love Cave:

Marketers need to settle down. We already think about sex more than enough — and that’s without shows like Toddlers & Tiaras catering to the pedophile set. If I want a glowing crotch, I’ll hit the clubs around Chernobyl, thank you very much.

In other words: stop thrusting your glowing crotches in my face!

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