The Creepiest Mascot in Recent Memory

Commercials have featured their share of animal/creature mascots lately. But out of the smörgåsbord of wildly crazy, capitalist-born critters, one has made me cringe. Is it the Kia hamsters, sock monkey and/or Yo Gabba Gabba guest stars? The Quizno’s rats? The hyper-hipster stereotypes in the Miracle “Don’t be so Mayo” Whip commercials?

No, no and no:

This mascot deserves it’s own holding cell for its generation of uncomfortableness, a menace to little children if I’ve ever seen one.

First off, look at that t-shirt. That shirt is more predatory than the one Paul Rudd wore in The 40-Year-Old Virgin:

You know how I know you're a pedophile?

And then that hair. Couldn’t they have trimmed that fur before shoving him on their website and in commercials? He’s more unkempt than actor Tom Jane on the show Arrested Development:

I just want my kids back... and YOUR kids...

Another query: why is Car Fox a puppet? Didn’t we outgrow puppets with Willie Tyler and Lester?

In the last few years, mascots have been human and cartoon, and Esurance Erin and Progressive Insurance’s Flo didn’t immediately make me want to take a non-consenting-sex shower like Car Fox, what with his small, predatory beady eyes and hirsute body hair.

And why — WHY? — does Carfax need a mascot? They provide vehicle histories on used cars; they’re not shilling cheeseburgers with toys for the kiddies. And even then, I wouldn’t trust a business with Car Fox as their spokesperson.

Carfax’s Car Fox is CAR-REEPY.

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