Obama Designates ‘Air Horse One,’ “Partisan” Equestrianship

WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama’s administration has added the traffic control call signal “Air Horse One” to air traffic controller terminology, overseen by the Federal Aviation Administration. The decision comes hours after the Obama family purchased a 12-year-old Shetland pony.

The pony,  codenamed “Patches” by eldest daughter Malia Obama, was a present from her father for her academic performance “at the margins that’s going to increase” her educational prospects for cutthroat, private junior-high recruitment.

Malia Obama (right), recipient of "partisan" pony

“I have make a firm pledge, under my educational reward plan, no daughter of mine will see a childhood without a horse. This horse was a gift; it was not bought with your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes,” said a reassuring Obama.

Obama’s efforts to beat media outlets from spinning the fatherly gesture were picked apart from right-wing pundits.

“As Obama’s horse rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where does it go? He’s made a horse a liberal. A liberal, partisan horse! Not in my America!” said FOX News analyst Sarah Palin on yesterday’s The O’Reilly Factor broadcast.

“I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many horses, they may have the same answer that I just gave you. Paul Revere’s horse: Republican. George Washington’s horse: Republican. Both were beautiful, deliciously patriotic horses. That Mr. Ed: liberal. Only un-American, non-grassroots horses talk that good of English.”

Palin, discussing the political loyalties of horses, on The O'Reilly Factor

FOX News colleague Glenn Beck offered his take on his national radio show today:

“‘Please stop teaching my children that everyone gets a thoroughbred just for participating. What is this, the People’s Choice Awards? Not everybody gets a goldfish.”

The signal addition by the FAA was uncharacteristically fast tracked by the president, anticipating a Christmas ride at Camp David.

“This is an unusual move for this administration,” said FAA Administrator J. Randolph Babbitt. “It wouldn’t be out of place in Bush’s White House. The stories I picked up from [former Administrator Marion] Blakey… did you know that Bush once made us clear airspace so he could fly to Iraq in a stealth bomber? Luckily, [former Vice President Dick] Cheney hung up his phone. Bush was notorious for making calls from random phones.”

A similar signal measure, “Air Horse Two,” is tentatively scheduled from Obama for a Christmas date.

“A good compromise, a good relationship, is like a good collaborator; or a good piece of steak. Everybody can recognize it. They say, ‘Thank you, Daddy. Thank you for also giving me a pony.’ I hope Sasha will enjoy her steak,” Obama noted.

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