“Guy Code” is Homophobic

Men around the world have a series of social norms that dictate their behavior regarding interaction with other men. These rules, often unspoken, are gender-specific and universal across the particular society, no language, culture, race, religion or creed. As I am an American (realness of said Americanism is under review) and a man, I can speak to a few of our guy rules, often known as “Guy Code,” “Man Law” or “Bro Code.” And they’re all steeped in homophobia.

WHAT? you ask incredulously. (I’m pretending that you asked this incredulously.)

Yep. “Guy Code” is a bollocks-infused, dookie-fortified set of tenets to ensure that men do not engage in behavior seen as gay by society. Do a web search — or use Google, you lazy lazersons — and find any supposed guy/bro/man code/rule. And then think about them; REALLY think about them in a perverse way.

Guy Code is the result of repressed emotions, an effect of a male-dominated society programmed to bottle vulnerability and other feelings seen as weak, to present a tough, brooding exterior that is a WARRIOR! It’s a goofy expression of the caricature known as masculinity. They represent the chasm between a “guy” and a real man.

Yeah, THAT'S fooling everyone.

Almost there? Good. I’ll now sketch you a word drawing with my mind pencil:

This one is funny. Never mind the fact that approximately 2–6 inches of metal, fabric and wood may separate your two seats or the lack of seats in some areas (like an airplane), dudes freak out about the idea of another guy being that close to another. But, oh no, what if strangers see you and your buddy sitting less than a foot away from each other?! What if your other friends notice you and your bro sitting civilly next to each other watching the screen/event in silence?!

It’s not like strangers will care longer than a second if they see two unfamiliar guys sitting next to each other. It’s not like your real friends would suspect that you and your male friend are a couple because there is an armrest separating you. And it’s not like someone you’ve known for years would suddenly place their hand on your crotch, put your penis in a vice grip and sexually assault you. I mean, COME ON.

This one is not only funny, it also compartmentalizes women as a single lumbering, frightening, lesser entity. This stupid catchphrase and mentality places your friends above a member of the opposite/same sex that you are or will be intimately involved with. Its very nature paints females as an evil flesh-thingy with two fleshy things that feed babies and give life. GROSS!
It often comes from a place of jealousy from friends no longer having the same amount of emphasis in a dude’s life compared to their lady. And how do envious bros confront that insecurity? By idiotic comments like “Dude, you’re pussy-whipped!” or “Bro, ball-and-chain, bro.” (All have some form of the cracked-whip sound for unnecessary emphasis.)
UGH.
Honestly, if my friends acted like that if I were in a relationship, I would want to spend MORE time with my partner than be around guys that couldn’t be happy for me. And that would cut down on that crap.
Oh geez! There’s about a foot of space between the urinals/stalls! The guy next to me might play footsie! Our streams might magically cross! He might see my penis, one that is not his own despite the shape and color! Being that close to another man is like telling the bathroom of strangers I’m gay!
GROW UP.

The idea that a bro needs space to be a bro is silly in itself and doubly so if your friends are against your girlfriend moving in. It also points to subconscious jealousy and potentially lingering feelings that zombie Freud would clap with delight over.

Some asshole came up with this one. It would be best not to touch it.
But I will.
The notion that paying for a woman’s birth control — or any feminine hygiene products, for that matter — is the definition of sissified speaks volumes of the guys that spew such things. It speaks to the insecurity they have about their own masculinity, a lack of self confidence to let their own ideas and behaviors do the talking.
Let’s assume they’re talking about being seen with such products. Do they REALLY think strangers and friends would suspect that that birth control prescription, diaphragm or tampon box is for their personal use? Or that they are whipped *whip crack!* because they are running errands?
Or even worse, the idea of a MAN paying for a WOMAN’S contraceptive on the principle of that being a “woman’s business.” Whether it is coming from a place of not wanting to participate in such baby-preventing nonsense or a misguided sense of chauvinistic pride, understand when you are belittled for your beliefs. Good god, that is so idiotic, that person needs to be alone forever.

This one is one of the creepiest, though its baseness is easy to identify. The idea of one of your friends or coworkers fornicating with your sister may offend you for several reasons: wanting to protect the pureness of your sibling; knowing your friend is

hitting that”; being grossed out by imagining the carnal nature of the act involving your friend and your sister…

A-HA! Gotcha.

Imaging another man naked is an absolute no-no for so-called heterosexual bros. Guys downplay the intimate connection of friendships, and to rip back the masculine, overly macho facade of male relationships reveals the literally naked reality of intimacy that men try to shrug off. This image, combined with it taking place with a flesh-and-blood family member is akin to your brain intentionally forgetting traumatic events — like a murder or that one popular Chumbawumba song.

Oh, and the fact that it’s the idea of your bro having sex with someone one chromosome away from your own is like they’re almost having sex with you. That’s a big one.

***

That is just scratching the big, homophobic itch of so-called rules governing “manly” behavior. Some situations (the movie theater, the urinal) apply when in certain situations; I don’t expect one stranger sit/stand next to another in an empty movie theater or row of 2+ urinals/stalls. Those forget that the definition of being a man is being responsible and mature. But their infantile logic and comical execution provide entertainment for enlightened man comfortable with themselves. Keep ’em comin’, BROS.

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3 thoughts on ““Guy Code” is Homophobic

  1. Pretty interesting and I agree with most of your ranting, but I think two of them are actually reasonable.

    Check out the first entry in this cracked article:
    http://www.cracked.com/article_19228_6-personality-quirks-you-didnt-know-were-medical-conditions.html

    It’s actually tough for a lot of people to pee when people are nearby. I know I have that problem. I think giving people space is common courtesy. It’s why you don’t put your towel down right next to someone on a wide open beach. People have personal space, and it’s best not to invade it.

    Also, I think saying the sister one is about imagining a guy naked makes no sense whatsoever. It’s 100% about never wanting to think that any guy is sleeping with your sis because you want to protect her.

    Most of the bros I know don’t have much of a problem with male nudity, and I’m in a fraternity at a party school.

    But like I said, I agree with most of the list.

    http://thenickelscreen.com

    Like

    1. I forget that jokes and satire are sometimes hard to read and harder to get across — especially with public urinals and friends sexing your siblings. I alluded to the fact about personal space at the end to cover situations like the first; that’s common sense. The other one was me trying to make myself laugh and make a (perhaps unclear) point.

      Like

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