DO NOT HAVE SEX, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
I will call in a preemptive domestic abuse charge to the police if I have to.
Really, A Christmas Story? Do you want women remembering “You’ll shoot your eye out!” when you poke your pecker out of the grossly-placed Ralphie face?
Family Guy? The Simpsons? SESAME STREET? No need to open your mouth to alert the lady that you are too immature to take responsibility for anything in life. (She may have a case for reporting you to the police in a few years, though.)
Seriously, don’t have sex. It’ll only worsen the chances of more unwanted children born to ill-equipped, emotionally immature and unavailable parents. I used to endorse sterilization, but I refrained because I wouldn’t want anyone to force that option upon me. So I say this in contrast to the Nike slogan: just DON’T do it.