And shorten your lifespan with these heart palpatators!
Mmm… you can smell the artery plaque hardening.
(I bet the “Country Style” flavor includes a mini American flag toothpick to stab the omelet with.)
If this is the “original” version, I bet the other flavors amp up the flavor–AND the death toll!
Fuck it: this should come with a defibrillator.
(WHO IS THIS FOR? WHO?!?!?)
(BTW, how can you keep something frozen AND “cook thoroughly”? I know that you’re supposed to keep it frozen until you want to cook it, but that’s confusing wording.)