Bring IHOP Home!

And shorten your lifespan with these heart palpatators!

Mmm… you can smell the artery plaque hardening.

(I bet the “Country Style” flavor includes a mini American flag toothpick to stab the omelet with.)

If this is the “original” version, I bet the other flavors amp up the flavor–AND the death toll!

Fuck it: this should come with a defibrillator.


(BTW, how can you keep something frozen AND “cook thoroughly”? I know that you’re supposed to keep it frozen until you want to cook it, but that’s confusing wording.)


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