Weird Shit

Introducing a smartphone into my daily life has made every experience in public a richer experience. The opportunity to document all the crazy stuff out there in the world is a godsend for one that likes to make fun of crazy stuff. And indeed there is crazy stuff out there.

Did you know that TV star/celebrity trainwreck David Hasslehoff made an album? “YES”? You’re either comedian Norm MacDonald or a weirdo. Anyway, Hasslehoff fancied himself a singer, and like many egotistical actors, he decided to christen ears with his crooning. The secret is that the songs were as corny as the person singing them.

Don’t worry, David. Your terrible secret is safe with me.

 

 

To the untrained eye, there appears to be a window washer doing his thing. But careful inspection with the eyeballs reveals something creepier:

It is a STATUE of a window washer. A STATUE. WHY.

The crazier thing is that there are statues of other lifeless people littered throughout the park surrounding the building–including a dude in a chair just hanging out. I’m not sure what is creepier: the statues or the fact that someone thought it would be a sane idea to scatter statues of humans around a building just for the hell of it.

 

This haunting graffiti is in the garbage area of my apartment. I pretend that it wasn’t written in blood so that I can sleep at night.

 

Okay, there are several things wrong with this calendar:

  1. What knuckle-dragging member of the ignorati wants a picture of THIS idiot for every month out of the year?
  2. “America’s Reality Star”? Oh, America is fucked.
  3. Law enforcement should assume that a person with this in their possession is also carrying a lot of cocaine.
  4. THIS idiot?!

 

True story: the money Wayne Brady is holding is his monthly paycheck.

 

I would imagine that the Venn diagram of Jersey Shore/Snooki fans and morons that would buy “AYE, SHE’S MINE!” t-shirts being a big-ass circle. This mall cart is catering to the 2010 Dickbag.

 

Because this is what every young girl or boy should aspire to.

(True story: I overheard a pre-teen kid talking about how he would get a ton of tattoos if he had $5,000. Maybe his ignorance about the cost of a tattoo is a good thing; he would probably get a dumb tatt–like Halo 4 or Snooki.)

 

Would Sealy support bad sex in bed? Reading Ayn Rand in bed? Bed murder? Someone check the warranty!

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