Unless you live in a city or town that contains people of a similar ethnic background, you will encounter different cultures and races on a daily basis. Don’t fret! It’s 2013; you should be used to diversity. But that doesn’t mean that your brain does.
Despite minorities growing in number in the United States, people still do not know how to act around people of another race. Whether it is in the workplace or online, awkward and downright awful interactions occur because of ignorance and idiocy regarding understanding of cultures different than their own.
Thankfully, I am here to help. As one of those minorities, I am lending my unique set of diplomatic skills to aide people that let their mouths and fingers lead them into losing battles. These tips will be the difference between keeping your job/friends/teeth versus catching a beatdown.
- If you encounter someone with hair different than yours and you feel the urge to touch it, don’t say anything.
- If you have watched or listened to a stand-up act from a comedian of another race and you want to recite memorable quotes to a diverse audience, don’t say anything.
- If you spot someone of a different racial background in your vicinity and you want to know if one of the few minorities you engage with is familiar with this other racial oddity, don’t say anything.
- If the President of the United States does or says something you don’t agree with, and you feel that preceding your opinion with colorful commentary on his racial background will provide audiences with good insight on your views, take a breather and don’t say anything.
- If you know of pornography more than people of different backgrounds and you wonder if someone’s race influences their penis size, don’t say anything and read some statistics.
- If your viewpoint of a driver’s skills includes a discourse about their ethnicity, keep your eyes on the road and don’t say anything.
- If you wonder why certain economic problems are “concentrated in the African-American community” and have a microphone or keyboard in front of you, don’t say a damn thing; don’t you DARE say a damn thing.
- If you feel like going into detail about why you are not attracted to a certain race, don’t say anything and save it for your therapy session.
- If you are playing an online game and someone insults your pride via comment or game activity, hit the power button and don’t say anything.
- If you are anywhere near YouTube, leave immediately for fear of saying anything.
You may have noticed a trend in my advice. First of all, your observational skills will serve you well in the professional world. Secondly, it’s not an indictment of free speech. I’m helping to prevented unwanted ass-beatings. But you will only learn through practice. So go forth, be a cultural citizen of our diverse society, and remember that if you have to think before you speak or type, don’t say… well, you know.