Blake Shelton’s Pizza Hut Ads Are Creepy

One of the positives of having email is occasionally getting bizarre targeted ads spammed in your inbox. As sexually suggestive as that may sound, most of the messages are for daily deal sites, department stores and electronics–nary a sexy store in the bunch.

But Pizza Hut saw that as a challenge, and boy did they deliver the creepy, sexually explicit goods. BOY, DID THEY.

Their collaboration with country music star Blake Shelton was innocent at first, with genial shots and mentions of the musician spliced with pics of Pizza Hut’s signature greasy pies. Delivered from Blake’s supposed email address (Blake.Shelton@pizzahut.com) (!), we learned of his exclusive videos and the backwoods BBQ-inspired pizza flavors.

blake-pizza2 blake-pizza

But the public’s attention span is fleeting, and so Pizza Hut upped the attention-seeking ante with their latest in Blake-ness. This static image is innocuous enough:

blake-shelton-pizza-hut

 

But if you got it in your email inbox, boy, did Blake want to GET it–GIF STYLE:

blake-shelton-fingering

Basically, Blake Shelton wants to finger your pizza. AND HE’S A MARRIED MAN.

I passed this around to a few friends, and Jason Statham sociologist/Jon Hamm biographer “Arran” pointed out a creepy similarity to a famous, creepy landmark: the Whitcoulls Santa Claus statue in Auckland, New Zealand:

whitcoulls-santa

“But that’s Santa! Santa’s not creepy!” you cry out. But THIS Santa’s gonna MAKE you cry:

So take heed, Pizza Hut, as your hillbilly spokesman is now synonymous with a sexually deviant Santa, as both want to touch your naughty bits. Think about that, pizza eater, when you’re toweling off the grease from your Smokehouse BBQ pizza. The same pizza that Blake Shelton probably fingered.

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