Whenever a racist complains that there’s no White History Month, usually around February for some unexplained reason (Black History Month coincidentally happens in February), several things come to mind: the fact that white history is literally every day in America; that the same person uses the same faulty questioning as to why there’s no White Entertainment Television (not true; have you watched Fox News?); and that misguided logic leads to stuff pictured above.
True, it probably wasn’t a hillbilly racist that concocts Black History Month menus or “doesn’t know” the meaning the word “jigaboo,” but the lack of knowledge, combined with the brazen ignorance of an asshole, leads to such examples of racial embarrassment.
And I’m here to join in.
Hey, if we’re POST-RACIAL, that means that a black person can make off-kilter assumptions about what white people eat. Hell, people mistake me for a gun-toting, violent thug, so why can’t I dare dream up scenarios where gullets are pumped full of stuff that I can only believe is food? In fact, here’s my theoretical menu for White History Month, which takes place January 1 – December 31:
- Green bean casserole
- Kale with nothing to disguise how terrible kale tastes
- A tall glass of milk
- Dog slobber
- Bottomless mimosas
- Brussell sprouts
- Something ethnic that was popular 10 years ago
- A mug of sriracha (see above)
- Anything worth standing in line for
- Stuffing made with white bread
- White bread — the least nutritious, fragile of breads
- Water (to dip white bread in)
Am I missing anything? Add to the list in the comments below! We’ll get White History Month right, dang nabbit!