Don’t Want to be Called ‘Racist’?

Image courtesy of Twitter

It’s the trend that ignorant white people are on fleek with, and they’re NOT YAAAAAS KWEEN-ing about it: being called racist.

As social media has given a voice to the voiceless (people of color), said voices are regularly crowing about white people’s many societal missteps. And white people, sometimes known as “wypipo” when engaging in next-level asshattery, are not hearing it. Cries of “playing the race card” and “identity politics” abound when called out for their numerous blunders in (sometimes unintentionally) reinforcing white supremacy, and they’re shrieking themselves hoarse.

I, the enterprising blogger and pessimistic optimist (not unlike the similarly inane introverted extrovert; see: dating profiles), have a solution for the whites that will please the long-suffering people of color and the POOR, DEFENSELESS WHITE PEOPLE WHO ARE THE VICTIMS.

Don’t be a racist.

“But Genial Black Man, I’m not a racist!” you rant reflexively, preparing your list to cite of your one black friend and the fact that you voted for Barack Obama for president. Maybe. But you’ve been called out on the mat for something you’ve said or done that can be perceived as racist. OH NO.

Your first instinct is to fight the charge; after all, your one black friend is one of the good ones! But this is NOT the smart thing to do in a discussion, debate, or argument, as you will get your ass handed to you faster than a Kardashian butt implant rejection. Centuries of white supremacy has created books on white slights, and a decent combatant can post microfiche copies at a good clip. Also, fighting the claims makes you come off as the racist that you claim not to be. So essentially, steer into the skid.

“BUT WHAT CAN I DO?” you whine, like that time when you had to actually account for something you did. Well, I’m glad you have continued to read this long screed! I have tips to not be racist! And there’s a long list, but hey, y’all have done a LOT of shady shit.

Behold just some of many below!

  • Don’t fight the racism tag when it is proclaimed
  • Don’t attend a white power/KKK/white supremacist/white hate group gathering of any kind — no matter how pressed their khaki pleats are
  • Don’t long for the good ol’ days of American race relations
  • Don’t call racism “identity politics” — aka liberal racism
  • Don’t appropriate a person’s culture for humor
  • Don’t appropriate a person’s culture because it looks cool
  • Don’t defend Donald Trump
  • Don’t sympathize with Donald Trump
  • Don’t say a person of color is “one of the good ones”
  • Don’t dictate how someone should protest
  • Don’t pad your butt, wear blackface, or engage in wearing a costume to be a black person (Halloween is coming, and people are dumb)
  • Don’t call things “ghetto,” as white people have gamed the economic and political systems to subjugate blacks and other people of color into poorer neighborhoods
  • Don’t call someone a “n****” or “n*****” (VERY IMPORTANT) as a familiar colloquialism or to hurt someone
  • Don’t address a black man as “man” in an attempt to be cool, as this is basically diet n*****
  • Don’t throw things at people of color
  • Don’t call someone offensive names
  • Don’t say someone is “playing the race card”
  • Don’t say that people complain too much about race
  • Don’t say that someone complaining of racism is the REAL racist
  • Don’t claim reverse racism (a underrepresented or socially weaker person can’t use their power to subvert a more powerful person)

There are many more that I can’t think of right now, but here’s the gist: if your first instinct is to not be offensive to a white person, TREAT A PERSON OF COLOR THE SAME WAY. You wouldn’t tell a white person you disagree with or dislike irrationally to go back to Ireland, so imagine that when encountering a person who is not white! Sounds simple, but you have NO IDEA how HARD that is for a sizable portion of the American public! And there are a LOT of people of color in America — hence, my rant!

So, in summary, don’t be a racist. And if you don’t like being called a racist, stop doing things that warranted the racist tag. And maybe, JUST maybe, you won’t be called a racist as often.

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